Attempted

Just playing games, the drinks flow, each glass restricts, mind clouded 

Ability to safely escape leaves, a friend forgetting to say goodbye,  

Noticed too late. 

Dulled senses, thought to be a product of friendship and bonding, 

Are brought to you of ill intent and advantage, not mine, 

Noticed too late. 

Laughter flies, take a sip, play a little more, room spins, 

Laugh and click, drink and laugh, click and drink. 

Noticed too late. 

The world has split, vision has multiplied, 

Car keys lost in a swirl of trust and ignorance, 

Noticed too late. 

Overcome by the hour, rest must be had, 

Find the convenient spot, shared space,  

Noticed too late. 

I close my eyes. 

He opens his. 

His hand creeps, 

I roll away, 

His hand crawls, 

I freeze,  

His fingers reach my belt line. 

I stop breathing. 

Time 

Stops, 

Breathing 

Stops, 

Shame,  

Panic 

No  

Air.  

I scream, 

No sound,  

I am panic, 

I am shame, 

I am, 

I 

No air, 

I  

Must get away, 

I won’t be this. 

I get up, pretending to pee. 

Where can I go, I don’t own a phone, 

I can’t drive away, 

 death is my passenger,  

but what will happen here? 

Shame. 

Can I run out of here? 

Shame. 

I don’t remember how to get home. 

Shame. 

I won’t let him touch me. 

Shame 

But I don’t know how to stop him. 

Shame. 

I find the living room, 

Maybe I can find how to live here? 

I find a cover, a doily table runner. 

Maybe this will be enough? 

Laying on the couch, 

Eyes felt from the hall, 

Please don’t see, don’t see me. 

I am asleep, you can’t have me, 

Please don’t come for me. 

If I lay here, will he leave? 

Can I live in this living room? 

Shame 

The eyes retreat. 

I lay, I can’t sleep, I can’t move, 

But I can’t leave, 

Why can’t I not be sober? 

Please come quickly.  

The sun comes, the edge hasn’t left. 

The world has divided back to one. 

His eyes are closed. 

I grab my things, 

Computer, wallet, keys, 

But leave my self-worth. 

Car loaded, I drive, 

Stop along the side of the road, 

Empty myself into a ditch, 

Vomit trauma into nature, 

She has seen this before. 

I get home, 

Lock doors, and sleep. 

Shame, despair, damage. 

And he wasn’t even successful. 

I write this for those who can’t.